We celebrate Christian marriage

My dear friends:

Throughout the calendar year 2006, in conjunction with our efforts to develop a "culture of vocation" within the Archdiocese of Detroit, I will be reflecting on each of the seven sacraments and the various ways we can live out our vocation as disciples of Jesus Christ — including the ministerial priesthood and religious life, marriage and the single life. Last month, since we had the monstrance blessed by our late Holy Father, Pope John Paul II, and held special Holy Hours praying for an increase of vocations to the ministerial priesthood and religious life, I reflected on the Sacrament of Holy Orders. This month of February, as we celebrate World Marriage Day and Valentine's Day, I would like to reflect on the sacrament of marriage. Such thoughts also nicely complement our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI's newly-released encyclical on love.

We can live life on many different levels. For example, on the surface level, what most of us do as Christians might seem very similar to activities of people who have no faith or follow a different religious calling. In large part, the difference between ourselves and people of other faith backgrounds comes from our motivation:  We believe that everything we do — implicitly or explicitly — is an expression of and an experience of God's presence and love — for us and through us. We can apply this insight to Christian marriage: Thousands of people get married all the time, but not all the marriages are necessarily Christian marriages; the difference comes when those getting married want to commit their lives not only to each other, but also to the Lord. Christian spouses see their love as a sharing in God's love and an expression of His love — not only for themselves, but also for the Church and the world.

Long before marriage was ever a sacrament, marriage was a natural human phenomenon. The Book of Genesis reminds us that man and woman — from the very beginning of creation — had a natural desire to enter into a life-long union of support, a union that would be creative and fruitful, a union that would bring them tenderness and understanding. As the centuries evolved and human culture developed, marriage became more consistently monogamous; people recognized it was not healthy to have more than one partner. The permanency of marriage was also a natural desire and a life together through good times and bad brought great consolation and stability — not only for the couple, but also for their families and the wider society.

Married Love in the Scriptures
With the faith history of the Jewish people as recorded in the Old Testament, we see a growing appreciation of the religious nature of marriage. The Book of Genesis clearly proclaimed the dignity and sacredness of the bond of marriage and also affirmed that ordinarily, marital love expresses itself in the gift and blessing of children. The 10 Commandments enshrined the dignity, permanency and life-long commitment of spouses in the sixth and ninth commandments. The prophets often used marital imagery as a way of describing the relationship of God and His people, Israel. One of the classic texts in this genre is, of course, the prophet Hosea, who kept forgiving and accepting back his adulterous wife; Hosea's action was a symbol of God's patience and mercy, forgiving His espoused people, Israel, when they deserted Him. The prophet Isaiah proclaimed that the maker of Israel had now become her spouse (see chapter 54, a passage often read at the Easter Vigil). The Song of Songs celebrated poetically the power of love between spouses, a love stronger than death, a love that is truly an expression of God's covenant desire and commitment toward us, His people.

During His earthly life, Jesus clearly taught the dignity of Christian marriage and affirmed that it was God's plan from the beginning of creation that man and woman be united in a permanent bond of faithful love. The first public miracle of Jesus was changing water into wine at a wedding reception — yet another sign of His recognition of the goodness of marriage and family living.

St. Paul gave further insight into the dignity of Christian marriage when he called it a sacrament, a mystery; in the fifth chapter of his Letter to the Ephesians, he saw a direct correspondence between the love of a husband for his wife and the love of Christ for the Church.

The sacrament of marriage
In the secular world, we speak of marriage as a contract, an agreement between two parties. While there are certainly contractual aspects to a Christian sacramental marriage, we also believe it is a covenant. When the Council Fathers of Vatican II spoke about marriage and family in the "Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World," they deliberately emphasized the word "covenant." First of all, "covenant" reminds us of the biblical relationship we enjoy with God, a relationship He initiated and which endures despite human weakness and failing. "Covenant" also means "testament"; our word for the Scriptures and our expression for the Cup of the Lord's Blood use the word "covenant" or "testament." To speak of marriage as covenant, therefore, gives it many levels of religious significance and meaning.

The covenant love of marriage celebrates not just the commitment of the two spouses, but also the pledge and promise of God to be a third partner, a permanent partner, in their relationship. It is not just a question of husband and wife loving each other; it is truly God loving them in and through each other. As I mentioned at the beginning of the column, this is a wonderful example of how we can live at a deeper, fuller, and richer level of existence; we see every act of human love as inspired by and sustained by God's presence and love. The intimate union of a couple, therefore, reflects the unbreakable bond of Christ with His Church and Christ's promise to remain with us always. Marriage is, therefore, a sacrament or sign of Christ's abiding presence within the world.

Marriage as a vocation
The Council Fathers of Vatican II spoke about the sanctity of Christian marriage as a vocation, a means of experiencing God's presence and love, a path of holiness.  I quote from article 48 of the "Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World": "Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by Christ's redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church. Thus this love can lead the spouses to God with powerful effect and can aid and strengthen them in the sublime office of being a father or a mother. For this reason, Christian spouses have a special sacrament by which they are fortified and receive a kind of consecration in the duties and dignity of their state. By virtue of this sacrament, as spouses fulfill their conjugal and family obligations, they are penetrated with the Spirit of Christ. This Spirit suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope and charity. Thus they increasingly advance their own perfection as well as their mutual sanctification and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God."
As couples live out their love for one another through all the seasons of life, they truly build up the community of the Church and their example is a consolation and a challenge for the rest of us. The fidelity of a spouse in marriage, for example, is a great witness to those who are celibate or living vows of consecrated chastity. We remind each other of our call to fidelity according to the promises we have made to the Lord and the Church.

The holiness of human sexuality within marriage
The Council Fathers of Vatican II also affirmed the dignity and holiness of every aspect of marital life and love — including even the marital act itself. They wrote: "The actions within marriage by which the couple are united intimately and chastely are noble and worthy ones. Expressed in a manner that is truly human, these actions signify and promote that mutual self-giving by which spouses enrich each other with a joyful and thankful will" (Article 49). The Council Fathers also emphasized that marital sexual expression must always be exercised "in accord with genuine human dignity," and therefore, it is not appropriate to "undertake methods of regulating procreation which are found blameworthy by the teaching authority of the Church" (Article 51).
Pope Paul VI and Pope John Paul II both taught on a number of occasions and especially in their respective encyclicals, "Humane Vitae" and "Evangelium Vitae," that any form of contraception which blocks the potential for life is a violation of the full meaning and purpose of genital sexual intimacy. The essential and consistent teaching of the Church is simply this: Marital union — if it is genuine and authentic — must always be open to the gift and possibility of life. Men and women in Christian marriage are privileged to be "co-creators" with God in bringing life into the world … a great blessing and a sacred duty!

The Council Fathers presented us a well-balanced treatment of the two purposes of marriage — the mutual support of the spouses and the begetting and educating of children. Again, I quote their words: "While not making the other purposes of matrimony of less account, the true practice of conjugal love and the whole meaning of family life which results from it have this aim:  that the couple be ready with stout hearts to cooperate with the love of the Creator and the Savior, who through them, will enlarge and enrich His own family day by day. Parents should regard as their proper mission the task of transmitting human life and educating those to whom it has been transmitted. They should realize that they are thereby cooperators with the love of God, the Creator, and we are, so-to-speak, the interpreters of that love" (Article 50).

Celebrating marriage … with and without Mass
According to the teaching of the Church based on the theology of St. Paul, for a marriage to be truly "sacramental," both parties must be baptized Christians inasmuch as they confer the sacrament on each other; the priest is present as witness along with the rest of the Christian community. If one of the partners is not baptized, even though the ceremony might be in a religious setting, it is not considered a sacramental marriage. Nonetheless, it certainly has all the rights, obligations and permanency of a sacramental marriage.

The above distinction is important when it comes to how marriage should be celebrated. If two Catholics are getting married, as a way of highlighting and deepening the connection of marriage and the Holy Eucharist, it is appropriate that their vows be declared within the context of a Mass or Holy Eucharist. If it is a so-called "mixed marriage" — a marriage between a Catholic and baptized Christian who is not Catholic, then Mass is discouraged because it would not be possible for the non-Catholic side to participate in the Holy Eucharist. In such cases, a wedding ceremony without Mass is the norm. All the more so is this the case when a Catholic is marrying someone who is from a non-Christian tradition — a Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, etc. There are many practical details regarding these matters which I cannot go into in a column such as this; I suggest you confer with your pastor, who can help to explain these things.

The beautiful thing in Catholic services today is the way couples can plan their own service — choosing the Scripture readings and the music, even writing their own vows according to approved standards of the Church. I commend the many priests, deacons and couples who take the time to prepare meaningful liturgical celebrations of this great Sacrament.

Preparing for marriage,supporting marriage and healing brokenness
Of course, marriage is a lifetime commitment; the marriage ceremony, while deserving much attention, is only the beginning! Preparation for marriage — like marriage itself — takes a lifetime. It starts with what we learn, almost by osmosis, from the example of our own parents. Many of our Catholic schools and religious education programs offer courses or special sessions on marriage and family living. Our archdiocese requires at least six months of marriage preparation through a series of classes and/or workshops that cover all relevant aspects of marriage, such as living our faith in marriage, relationships and roles within marriage, parenting and the raising of children, relating to in-laws, finance and communication skills, and of course, the theology and spirituality of Christian marriage.

In our world today, marriage and family living — something once taken for granted — are now increasingly under fire. Thanks be to God, we have many excellent, generous and committed organizations that work to affirm and strengthen marriages and to help those who are struggling in their marriage or family relationships and commitments. Among such groups are Marriage Encounter and Retrouvaille. I am proud to say that many of these programs for marriage enrichment and preparation take place at The Retreat Center at St. John's in Plymouth Township. You can access this information through our archdiocesan Web site at www.aodonline.org; click on the link at the left for The Retreat Center at St. John's. In the name of our whole Church, I commend and thank all who devote their time and energy to the work of supporting marriage — especially through counseling, prayer and dialogue. Often, great changes and healing can happen through a combination of mutual effort and the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Sadly, often despite intense and sincere attempts, reconciliation is not possible and many couples are not able to live their marriage relationships with joy and fidelity. Many times, despite the good intentions of both parties, something essential was missing in the relationship from the beginning and so, if asked, the Church can study the situation and often grant an annulment of the marriage.  These annulments are a recognition of the sad fact that, in some way, the marriage was built on a fragile foundation because of human psychological limitations and immaturity. Annulments can be pursued only after all attempts at reconciliation have failed and there has been a civil divorce. For more information on annulments, contact the Archdiocesan Tribunal at (313) 237-5865 or see our Web site.

Please note that persons who are divorced but not remarried are encouraged to continue to receive Communion; the Church's legislation preventing reception of Communion applies only to the divorced who remarry without the annulment. In any event, though, all couples should feel welcome in the Church and at Mass, even if they cannot receive Communion.

Conclusion:  Marriage,a sacrament for thelife of the world
 Our late Holy Father Pope John Paul II spoke of the family as "the sanctuary of life" — that is, the place where the gift of God's life can be welcome and protected. He said that the family celebrates the Gospel of Life in daily prayer together and then puts that prayer into action by the witness of their lives and by their involvement in the needs of society, affirming the dignity of every human being.

Within the whole spectrum of family living — from conception until natural death — we truly find a sacred vocation, a building block of the Church and society, an abiding expression of God's presence and love in the world.

Let us pray for all Christian families: for all those preparing for marriage; for those finding joy and fulfillment in their relationships of love; for those struggling within their marriages; and those who have lost spouses or children through death, divorce, or tragic separation. May we find in the Holy Family an example of life shared in unity and peace — for our salvation and that of the whole world.

Sincerely yours in the Lord,
†Adam Cardinal Maida
Archbishop of Detroit